If you’re the parent of an adult child, you may feel blindsided, hurt, or even angry at old strain or sudden painful changes in your relationship. Whether your child has just left the nest or has a family of their own, relating to your adult child can feel way more complicated than you want. Maybe your adult child has changed, and hasn’t turned out the way you raised them; maybe they have broken your heart by how they’ve treated you; maybe values differences have become a chasm between you. Whatever the issue, seeking out family therapy isn’t a sign of failure; it’s actually a loving way to demonstrate how much you care about connecting with your child and creating a meaningful adult relationship.

 

If you’re an adult struggling with your relationship with your parent, you might feel angered by boundaries (or a lack of them) that aren’t working for you at this stage in your life. Perhaps you’ve recognized childhood wounds that have had a serious impact on your life, but it’s felt impossible to engage in repair with your parent. You and your parent are from two vastly different generations, with different experiences of the world, different historical contexts, and different beliefs about life. It can hurt to feel misunderstood by the person who raised you. You may have friends who are cutting their parents out of their life, and it just doesn’t feel right to you; you’ve realized you’re never too old to need a parent, and you want to find a way to make it work.

 

Family therapy is tough work. It requires the courage to communicate your hurt, your needs, and your desires, but also the humility to make room for an experience or viewpoint that conflicts with your own. It can be hard to hear a family member describe your shared history in ways that don’t match your experience, and still choose to stick out the process. I have deep respect for the people who choose family therapy after childhood has ended; it’s not required, and you don’t have to be in each other’s lives anymore, but you’re each staying open and fighting for a relationship that has worth.

 

My job as a family therapist is not to pick sides or point out who’s right and who’s wrong, who’s the perpetrator and who’s the victim. My job is to help you face each other, face the hurt, conflict, and misunderstanding head on, and learn how to create safety, connection, and workable boundaries all over again—or maybe for the first time. In family therapy, I sometimes act as a translator, guiding communication so you can stop missing each other. There will also be moments where we use the unfolding relationship dynamic to do deeper personal work within individual family members. Seeing growth happen in a family member right before your eyes can be a beautiful and vulnerable experience. If you’re willing, restoration and repair are possible.

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If you're interested in pursuing family therapy, please contact me to schedule a free consultation.