There are so many factors that set LGBTQ+ people apart from the mainstream. LGBTQ+ children have a unique developmental experience: unlike many minorities, who grow up in families or communities who represent a mature minority identity (including how to be resilient as a minority in a dominant culture), most queer kids grow up in families or communities where they see little to no representation of queer maturity. Without role models to learn from or offer them affirmation, queer kids are left to figure out identity, survival strategies, self-acceptance, and relationships on their own.

 

Patrick Cheng, a queer theologian, describes the process of coming out as the initiatory sacrament of queer person’s life. In many ways, coming out functions like baptism or confirmation, in its strong influence on a queer person’s identity, acceptance or rejection by their community, and ability to accept or reject themselves. Our coming out stories are not just events that happened to us; they are profound experiences that shape our lives and set the trajectory for our relationship with queerness and all it encompasses.

 

In the push to be recognized as equal in a heteronormative society, and to see that equality recognized politically, we can sometimes lose sight of the fact that being queer is distinctly different than being straight or cis. Relationship dynamics in queer relationships are different because they intersect with patriarchy in unique ways. Having to wrestle with gender identity and gender expression, including finding an expression that feels authentic, makes queer people different, because most straight, cis people have to give this very little thought. Family-of-origin relationships, parenthood, spirituality, medical care—all of these areas and more are indelibly affected by one’s queer identity.

 

This is why many LGBTQ+ people find themselves hungering for a therapist who gets it, whom they don’t have to educate or explain themselves to, who knows the slang, who understands without being told how current events or changes in public policy hit emotionally and practically. Queer-affirming therapy is vital, and I’m proud to be a member of the queer community who is able to offer informed and compassionate therapeutic care to LGBTQ+ individuals.

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If you identify as LGBTQ+, I'd love to hear from you. Contact me to schedule a free consultation.